Everyone Who Comes has to Bring a Can of Haggis

I had dinner tonight with the Scottish Optometrist. Well, not really dinner. During dinner I was speaking at Rotary about the upcoming museum fundraising event, and the Scottish Optometrist was receiving a Paul Harris Fellow award. So lets say I had after dinner dinner with the Scottish Optometrist.

Anyway, we talked alot about his January 25th Burns Night party celebrating the Scottish poet Robert Burns. Evidently, this very important night of revelry consists of eating haggis drenched in Scotch whisky while each attendant recites a Burns poem. I am truly sorry I was not invited. Seriously.

During the conversation someone said, "You can't get Haggiss on Provo."

At this point the waitress, who had overheard, said, "Yes you can, it is carried at the new Gourmet IGA."

"No," said the Scottish Optometrist, "that is not haggis, that is nasty."

Then, talking about his upcoming wedding, where he will marry the young divemaster he has met since coming to the Turks and Caicos, along with 70 family members in attendance, while evidently wearing a kilt, which tradition states that every 70 year old grandmother will lift at the wedding to look at his bum, and more to the point of why it is relevant to this story, he said...

"I have been very clear in letting people coming to the wedding know that...everyone who comes has to bring a can of haggis."

Ah, very interesting, thought I. Deneen and I had a discussion today about this. A discussion because I don't think you can have a fight on Skype instant messenger, unless technically everything is in all caps.

She does not think that I should ask people to bring coffee when they come to see me. Evidently that appears rude, or maybe she said weird. In the normal world she might be right. Asking someone to bring a bag of their favorite coffee, or possibly a few oranges when they leave the cruise ship, may seem strange in your world of I-can-get-anything-I-want-24-hours-a-day-at-Walmart. But here, life is a little different.

And I have found that when people ask what they can bring you...at first you just say "nothing." Go on, "I am fine, great, have everything I need."

Then sometime during the second year of life on this small sand bar in the middle of the ocean you say, "Everyone who comes has to bring a bag of coffee, preferably Starbucks, but you are welcome to bring your favorite kind of coffee as it is kind a a game we play."

OK, is this out of line? I don't know. But really, the idea of a surprise bag of coffee that is different than the Dominican Republic coffee we have every day is evidently enough to put up with someone staying at your house for several days, or in some cases weeks.

So, what I take from tonight, and will pass on to all of those people who have come and might come in the future.

BE VERY GLAD I DONT MAKE YOU BRING HAGGIS.